[It's three days and a lifetime before he stumbles home, clutching blood-drenched clothes in the arm that isn't glitching and wearing ones that aren't his own. He tries his best to make it into his room without being seen, especially not by Haru--and of course he fails.
(Just like he failed to--)
It's hard to face them, much harder than he'd expected. Not necessarily because he'd died--and he did die, he knows, even with his brief time in that other, eerie place. No, it's not because of that. It's because if he'd died at home, protecting his comrades, his family, he wouldn't have had to come back and face anyone afterward. He wouldn't have had to see the heartbreak on their faces, the tears, the dango in the fridge that has been left miraculously untouched.
It's hard, because if this ever happens again, and he doesn't come back? He'll die knowing exactly what they'll do.
First and foremost, before he even showers and changes out of these bizarre clothes, he checks to make sure Leon made it home safely. He asks everyone but Leon until he gets an answer--and maybe a small part of him is relieved, that Leon apparently hadn't tried to contact him. He has a feeling he knows exactly what would've been said, and he isn't up to dealing with that just yet. He isn't ready to face the person he'd tried so hard to protect. Not even in his own mind and heart.
So outside of the sword family, it's Lili who gets contacted first. It's Lili because he can still hope, childishly, that she doesn't know what happened to him. That she never heard he'd died doing exactly what she told him not to do--prioritizing someone else's life over his own. And besides, he owes her an apology.
He doesn't like breaking promises.]
Thank you for the dango. I'm sorry for making you wait.
[It's painfully slow to type with one hand, he's learned, but he's careful not to make any mistakes.]
[The text message lights her phone up when she's walking through the streets and she looks at it only because it's still recent enough in the aftermath that people are contacting her and she's contacting them in return. Despite how much she loves to protest that she doesn't care, not even a little bit, there's always a little bit of a skip in her heartbeat when she sees that someone has messaged her.
When she notices that the text is from Namazuo, she even forgets how to breathe.
He's back.
It's immediate, blind fumbling in the way that she presses the call button on her phone instead of bothering to respond with a text message. That'll take too long.
In a moment, she'll realize how embarrassing this is.
But even more than being wary of her own emotions, Lili is always painfully impulse and sincere. So whenever Namazuo does pick up the phone, all she has to say to him is an insistent, borderline desperate-]
Today!
You're already late, you know...!
[Tears prick at her eyes as she stares out into the crowd.
[A part of him had expected a quick reply, but not this quick. For a minute, all he can do is stare dumbly at the screen, the words "Incoming Call" pulsing urgently at him.
Is he ready for this? He'd texted for a reason, and he's already emotionally exhausted. Surely she'd understand...
But no. Even as the thought floats into his mind, he knows he can't. Not to someone so important to his nearest and dearest--someone he'd stumbled upon in a moment of frightened weakness. He'd seen her in the mirror room. It's the least he can do to let her see him now.
So he picks up, and he doesn't even get a chance to speak before she's yelling at him-- and honestly, he isn't sure if it's laughter choking up his throat, or tears.]
I know. I'm sorry.
[He didn't mean to make her wait. He hadn't intended to die. But knowing Leon is safe... he wouldn't take it back, either.]
I hate to ask, but could you give me about half an hour? I'm not presentable.
[It occurs to her that she doesn't know him very well at all.
Then it occurs to her that that doesn't matter - that when someone dies, it's not like how long you've known them makes any sort of impact when you're faced with the opportunity to see them again. She'd be told that death isn't permanent here but this is her first experience with it. This is the first time that she really and truly can come to understand how absurd this place is.
The reality hits her when she hears his voice.
Immediately she moves out of the crowd, presses her back against the nearest storefront, her hand flying to her mouth even as his quiet, exhausted words are reassuring. Even that much is enough.
There's a moment of silence before she can answer, but only because she can't trust her own voice.]
That's fine.... That's fine-
Don't... rush on my account.
[What kind of state must he be in? She won't back down on seeing him today but - any further harassment than that is something that even Lili can't manage.]
[He isn't sure he could rush even if he wanted to, honestly. He should be fine. His vessel is repaired, his wounds have healed, he's already made it home. But it doesn't feel... right. Not yet. Maybe it's just in his head, but his body feels heavy, his thoughts sluggish. (The glitching arm isn't helping.) With rest, he hopes, it will go away, but... for this, he'll just have to do the best he can.]
Okay. I'll put the tea on, and I'll see you soon.
[The least he can do is put on something more than a bathrobe.]
That said she makes a small affirming noise and hangs up and - tries to do her best not to give in to this odd need to make sure that he stays on the line. Isn't that the easiest way to make sure that he's truly fine and he won't disappear again? But no that's - that's unreasonable and she knows it.
But it's not everyday that the dead come back... or that's what she'd thought.
A small, shaky exhale.
Then she moves to pick up the wagashi as promised. Eventually there will be a knock on the door as she waits. Fidgets a little bit, still rather full of anxious energy. And then waits some more.]
See, oddly enough, people don't really like it when you wander down the street covered in blood and torn clothes. And when you've just come back from the dead, you aren't exactly rolling in cash. And Namazuo is definitely not a fashion-driven sword; his wardrobe is still relatively sparse, compared to some of the other swords.
All of that combined is the reason that, when he opens the door, he's wearing a Pikachu kigurumi.
(The long sleeves don't hurt either. Maybe she won't notice his arm this way.)]
Lili-san. [He bows slightly and smiles, stepping back to let her in.] I'm sorry for making you wait.
She's going to shake her head to snap herself out of it, even with the box containing multiple servings of dango in her hand, and she steps in. Then she looks him over to make sure that he's okay... as best as she can... it's a little hard to really determine his state when he's wearing that?
Is that the point or is he truly so bizarre?]
Don't apologize for that.
[ . . . . and she just huffs faintly, because it settles her emotions a bit to be blindsided by confusing fashion and then come to terms with the fact that he's okay.]
[LOOK, CERES GAVE IT TO HIM, OKAY... it was either this or the bathrobe!! Which would you have preferred, Lili, the ridiculous pajamas or the risque non-outfit. You choose.
But the look on her face makes him smile sheepishly, and he lifts his good hand, scratching the back of his head.]
My clothes were ruined, so... this was the best I could do. [Well, okay, he has his idol AU outfit now but that's too shiny... and ribbon-y...
Anyway. Yes. He should be serious, shouldn't he.]
It's good to see you too, Lili-san. Please come in and make yourself comfortable.
[Why does no one besides Kashuu have fashion sense in this house. Why don't you have other clothes, Nama. Do they need to go on a shopping trip after you regain your strength....
But.
Lili's just going to sigh vaguely and tuck a stray lack of hair behind her ear to buy time to ground herself. Okay. Yes. This is fine, he's fine, even if he looks ridiculous....]
Thank you for the invitation. [Politeness!! She can do it! But she'll remove her shoes and otherwise settle in okay.] ... Perhaps considering investing in more clothes, however.
[Only if you let him buy shirts that say "I feel happiness when I eat a potato" on them!!
But he'll let her in as though this is totally normal, shutting the door behind her but leaving it unlocked.]
It's normally not a problem, since our clothes get repaired when we do... [He explains, since he doesn't want her thinking he just likes rolling around in kigurumis...! ...Although he probably would if they weren't so stiflingly warm.] But I suppose if this sort of thing is going to keep happening, it wouldn't be a bad idea.
[First the jungle, then outside the city, where are they going to get poofed to next?
But he did invite her over for tea, so he doesn't sit down on the couch right away.] Are you thirsty? I put the kettle on already.
But she's going to blink because there's.... there's something that she wants to address in that?! But he asked her a question so she'll answer that first...]
I wouldn't mind tea, no. I brought snacks as well.
[The dango, just as he liked!
But.
Ok.
Listen up-]
Do you mean to tell me that you would otherwise just.... wear your uniform each day...?!
[Good, tea is good! He's about to go and get it, but she sounds oddly surprised by this?!]
Hm? Well, I do have my uniform for chores too... [AND HIS FROG HAT and his potato shirt that he wears for pajamas, but otherwise... yes? Why is this offensive??]
What would you do if one of your clothes got dirty with a stain? Worse, what if they were to be ripped to the point of not being able to be mended? Also isn't it uncomfortable to wear a uniform all the time? Casual clothes would also be in your favor if only because they are inexpensive and sensible. You can't wear... this... [a wave of her hand to indicate the kigurumi] out in public after all - it's shameful!
[THAT IS A LOT OF QUESTIONS and Namazuo doesn't really know where to start. For one thing, his clothes mend as soon as he gets repaired, and he just said he had a pair of casual clothes?? And an extra shirt! But okay, no, the most important thing--]
Shameful? Why? I was put into them in a public place, after all...
You.... really don't care for how you come off to other people at all, do you?
[IT'S WEIRD BEING ON THIS SIDE OF THE DEBATE--
Because Lili will often tell people that judging her based on looks is "foolish and temporary" and she will uphold that, but that doesn't mean she fails to see the importance of good grooming...
[Despite himself, Namazuo chuckles. He lifts his non-glitchy hand to his mouth in a pitiful attempt to hide it, but when he looks at her again, there's warm amusement in his eyes.]
Lili-san... you know we weren't able to be seen by regular humans until very recently, don't you? And in the citadel, there are only swords and master...
[And Haru loves them all exactly how they are, and the Citadel is overrun with his little brothers, and Namazuo has taken up the role of peacekeeper and entertainer back home as best he can. When tensions are high between Mutsu and Kashuu, or Hachisuka and Nagasone, or Ookurikara and... anyone, Namazuo is more than happy to step in and offer a distraction. When Gokotai is crying because of one of Tsurumaru's pranks, Namazuo will gladly make a fool of himself to make him laugh again. And when Haru needs comfort, like any young man--any child thrust into the heart of a war would, Namazuo will do whatever it takes to provide that, if he can.
So no, he can't say he cares all that much.]
Anyway, I spend most of my time at the dojo or painting, so I don't really see why it would be necessary to have extra clothes for that... oh, Kashuu-kun did make me an outfit, though. You might like that.
[Only.... swords and Haru. Right. There's a moment where she's left narrowing her eyes, frowning as she tries to grasp what he's saying. Even at the mention of Kashuu, she doesn't particularly feel anything else as she's still trying to puzzle out what he's saying and then what she wants to say in return. In truth, she's still so... very clumsy about this.
All too often she would be praised as "Joon-gi's beautiful daughter" and nothing else. Appearances are important. That's what she was taught. But at the same time, it's something else to only be regarded as beautiful without regard for her own merits. Is she not supposed to be smart or kind? What would it be like to only have others who accepted her for who she was? In Lili's case that still looks very differently - a grand party of two others who she thinks would be with her unconditionally.]
.... Even if you don't care, sometimes other people do. It's stupid and if you truly don't mind, then... ignore what I'm saying. It's important to believe in yourself first and foremost.
[It's something that she can respect... that said-]
But you are all respectable swords. Your worth is immeasurable and you deserve to have others take you seriously or... to find you amicable, now that they can see you.
[She doesn't want anyone to be treated as less than what they are - which is so far and by far only impressive. Sometimes amazing.]
[To be taken seriously, to be treasured--that wasn't something Namazuo ever worried about back home. He lost decades, maybe even centuries of his life in the flames, but he still remembers Hideyori's small, loving hands, holding him with such care, as if he was made of gold instead of steel. He's always had a place, whether it was at Hideyori's side or amongst his dozens of precious brothers. And Haru, of course, would never dream of letting them feel worthless or shameful. Haru is their master, not because he gave them bodies, but because he understands them so very, very well.
But things are different here.
Haru is still with them, which is a tiny miracle in and of itself. But Haru has other things he does, now, away from them even if he may not want to be. And even with the dojo, Namazuo knows a fair number of them still feel restless. They can't ever truly be themselves in a place like this. They are weapons, brought to life to fight a war. With that purpose taken away, is it any wonder that they might begin to worry?
But that's something altogether too personal, exactly the kind of concerns he hates to burden others with. He wouldn't mention it to Haru or Ichigo, and he's certainly not going to mention it to her. Instead, Namazuo just smiles.]
Lili-san is very kind to be concerned. But I can assure you I wouldn't do--or, ah, wear anything to embarrass master Haru, or any of the others.
[...Well, not permanently. And not of his own volition. (He can't help Ceres' thirst for sticking him in weird clothes, though. HE CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH, LILI.)]
But to answer your question, no, I don't really mind. There are other swords who are properly concerned with their appearances, so I prefer to let them represent us on that account. [Nama-speak for "swords like Kashuu care way more about being praised and complimented and beautiful, so I'll look silly if it means they get the attention they deserve".]
[Just... to clarify that first, even if the words manage to make her face heat up a little bit. She doesn't feel like she's a kind person at all, no. Rather, all that she said was something true and simple. The swords are good people and deserve to be treated as such. It's not rare for her to have been judged strictly on even her clothes back home - and after speaking with people here, sometimes the same is true.
She just doesn't want any of them to deal with that.
Still though, she's shaking her head because she knows exactly which sword he's talking about and sometimes Kashuu manages to exasperate her too, honestly.]
Even that can be rather extreme though... sometimes I wonder if any of you are capable of living in the happy medium of things.
[Not that she's
really any better than that, actually.
Lili's Two Modes: Tsun Queen and Struggling Kitten Dere are about as extreme as you can get.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ugh... my heart...
(Just like he failed to--)
It's hard to face them, much harder than he'd expected. Not necessarily because he'd died--and he did die, he knows, even with his brief time in that other, eerie place. No, it's not because of that. It's because if he'd died at home, protecting his comrades, his family, he wouldn't have had to come back and face anyone afterward. He wouldn't have had to see the heartbreak on their faces, the tears, the dango in the fridge that has been left miraculously untouched.
It's hard, because if this ever happens again, and he doesn't come back? He'll die knowing exactly what they'll do.
First and foremost, before he even showers and changes out of these bizarre clothes, he checks to make sure Leon made it home safely. He asks everyone but Leon until he gets an answer--and maybe a small part of him is relieved, that Leon apparently hadn't tried to contact him. He has a feeling he knows exactly what would've been said, and he isn't up to dealing with that just yet. He isn't ready to face the person he'd tried so hard to protect. Not even in his own mind and heart.
So outside of the sword family, it's Lili who gets contacted first. It's Lili because he can still hope, childishly, that she doesn't know what happened to him. That she never heard he'd died doing exactly what she told him not to do--prioritizing someone else's life over his own. And besides, he owes her an apology.
He doesn't like breaking promises.]
Thank you for the dango. I'm sorry for making you wait.
[It's painfully slow to type with one hand, he's learned, but he's careful not to make any mistakes.]
When would you like to have tea?
mission accomplished.....
When she notices that the text is from Namazuo, she even forgets how to breathe.
He's back.
It's immediate, blind fumbling in the way that she presses the call button on her phone instead of bothering to respond with a text message. That'll take too long.
In a moment, she'll realize how embarrassing this is.
But even more than being wary of her own emotions, Lili is always painfully impulse and sincere. So whenever Namazuo does pick up the phone, all she has to say to him is an insistent, borderline desperate-]
Today!
You're already late, you know...!
[Tears prick at her eyes as she stares out into the crowd.
But he's back.]
you belong in the demon club
Is he ready for this? He'd texted for a reason, and he's already emotionally exhausted. Surely she'd understand...
But no. Even as the thought floats into his mind, he knows he can't. Not to someone so important to his nearest and dearest--someone he'd stumbled upon in a moment of frightened weakness. He'd seen her in the mirror room. It's the least he can do to let her see him now.
So he picks up, and he doesn't even get a chance to speak before she's yelling at him-- and honestly, he isn't sure if it's laughter choking up his throat, or tears.]
I know. I'm sorry.
[He didn't mean to make her wait. He hadn't intended to die. But knowing Leon is safe... he wouldn't take it back, either.]
I hate to ask, but could you give me about half an hour? I'm not presentable.
i await my membership card
Then it occurs to her that that doesn't matter - that when someone dies, it's not like how long you've known them makes any sort of impact when you're faced with the opportunity to see them again. She'd be told that death isn't permanent here but this is her first experience with it. This is the first time that she really and truly can come to understand how absurd this place is.
The reality hits her when she hears his voice.
Immediately she moves out of the crowd, presses her back against the nearest storefront, her hand flying to her mouth even as his quiet, exhausted words are reassuring. Even that much is enough.
There's a moment of silence before she can answer, but only because she can't trust her own voice.]
That's fine.... That's fine-
Don't... rush on my account.
[What kind of state must he be in? She won't back down on seeing him today but - any further harassment than that is something that even Lili can't manage.]
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Okay. I'll put the tea on, and I'll see you soon.
[The least he can do is put on something more than a bathrobe.]
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That said she makes a small affirming noise and hangs up and - tries to do her best not to give in to this odd need to make sure that he stays on the line. Isn't that the easiest way to make sure that he's truly fine and he won't disappear again? But no that's - that's unreasonable and she knows it.
But it's not everyday that the dead come back... or that's what she'd thought.
A small, shaky exhale.
Then she moves to pick up the wagashi as promised. Eventually there will be a knock on the door as she waits. Fidgets a little bit, still rather full of anxious energy. And then waits some more.]
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See, oddly enough, people don't really like it when you wander down the street covered in blood and torn clothes. And when you've just come back from the dead, you aren't exactly rolling in cash. And Namazuo is definitely not a fashion-driven sword; his wardrobe is still relatively sparse, compared to some of the other swords.
All of that combined is the reason that, when he opens the door, he's wearing a Pikachu kigurumi.
(The long sleeves don't hurt either. Maybe she won't notice his arm this way.)]
Lili-san. [He bows slightly and smiles, stepping back to let her in.] I'm sorry for making you wait.
[1/2]
Lili can handle a lot of things but there's still no helping her wide-eyed surprised because what the actual fuck.
The fashion of the future is astonishing even still.]
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She's going to shake her head to snap herself out of it, even with the box containing multiple servings of dango in her hand, and she steps in. Then she looks him over to make sure that he's okay... as best as she can... it's a little hard to really determine his state when he's wearing that?
Is that the point or is he truly so bizarre?]
Don't apologize for that.
[ . . . . and she just huffs faintly, because it settles her emotions a bit to be blindsided by confusing fashion and then come to terms with the fact that he's okay.]
... It is good to see you again.
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But the look on her face makes him smile sheepishly, and he lifts his good hand, scratching the back of his head.]
My clothes were ruined, so... this was the best I could do. [Well, okay, he has his idol AU outfit now but that's too shiny... and ribbon-y...
Anyway. Yes. He should be serious, shouldn't he.]
It's good to see you too, Lili-san. Please come in and make yourself comfortable.
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But.
Lili's just going to sigh vaguely and tuck a stray lack of hair behind her ear to buy time to ground herself. Okay. Yes. This is fine, he's fine, even if he looks ridiculous....]
Thank you for the invitation. [Politeness!! She can do it! But she'll remove her shoes and otherwise settle in okay.] ... Perhaps considering investing in more clothes, however.
[ok
somebody had to say it]
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But he'll let her in as though this is totally normal, shutting the door behind her but leaving it unlocked.]
It's normally not a problem, since our clothes get repaired when we do... [He explains, since he doesn't want her thinking he just likes rolling around in kigurumis...! ...Although he probably would if they weren't so stiflingly warm.] But I suppose if this sort of thing is going to keep happening, it wouldn't be a bad idea.
[First the jungle, then outside the city, where are they going to get poofed to next?
But he did invite her over for tea, so he doesn't sit down on the couch right away.] Are you thirsty? I put the kettle on already.
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But she's going to blink because there's.... there's something that she wants to address in that?! But he asked her a question so she'll answer that first...]
I wouldn't mind tea, no. I brought snacks as well.
[The dango, just as he liked!
But.
Ok.
Listen up-]
Do you mean to tell me that you would otherwise just.... wear your uniform each day...?!
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Hm? Well, I do have my uniform for chores too... [AND HIS FROG HAT and his potato shirt that he wears for pajamas, but otherwise... yes? Why is this offensive??]
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[ . . . Nama?!]
You haven't bothered to purchase any other clothes since you've arrived here?
[or also like
ever]
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[Gosh Lili how silly would it be if he didn't own any other clothes... haha... ha...]
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You still need more clothes than that!
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[He's a sword? And not Kashuu?? ???]
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What would you do if one of your clothes got dirty with a stain? Worse, what if they were to be ripped to the point of not being able to be mended? Also isn't it uncomfortable to wear a uniform all the time? Casual clothes would also be in your favor if only because they are inexpensive and sensible. You can't wear... this... [a wave of her hand to indicate the kigurumi] out in public after all - it's shameful!
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Shameful? Why? I was put into them in a public place, after all...
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[IT'S WEIRD BEING ON THIS SIDE OF THE DEBATE--
Because Lili will often tell people that judging her based on looks is "foolish and temporary" and she will uphold that, but that doesn't mean she fails to see the importance of good grooming...
Being put in a kigurumi is....
Rather.... well. Pitiful.]
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Lili-san... you know we weren't able to be seen by regular humans until very recently, don't you? And in the citadel, there are only swords and master...
[And Haru loves them all exactly how they are, and the Citadel is overrun with his little brothers, and Namazuo has taken up the role of peacekeeper and entertainer back home as best he can. When tensions are high between Mutsu and Kashuu, or Hachisuka and Nagasone, or Ookurikara and... anyone, Namazuo is more than happy to step in and offer a distraction. When Gokotai is crying because of one of Tsurumaru's pranks, Namazuo will gladly make a fool of himself to make him laugh again. And when Haru needs comfort, like any young man--any child thrust into the heart of a war would, Namazuo will do whatever it takes to provide that, if he can.
So no, he can't say he cares all that much.]
Anyway, I spend most of my time at the dojo or painting, so I don't really see why it would be necessary to have extra clothes for that... oh, Kashuu-kun did make me an outfit, though. You might like that.
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All too often she would be praised as "Joon-gi's beautiful daughter" and nothing else. Appearances are important. That's what she was taught. But at the same time, it's something else to only be regarded as beautiful without regard for her own merits. Is she not supposed to be smart or kind? What would it be like to only have others who accepted her for who she was? In Lili's case that still looks very differently - a grand party of two others who she thinks would be with her unconditionally.]
.... Even if you don't care, sometimes other people do. It's stupid and if you truly don't mind, then... ignore what I'm saying. It's important to believe in yourself first and foremost.
[It's something that she can respect... that said-]
But you are all respectable swords. Your worth is immeasurable and you deserve to have others take you seriously or... to find you amicable, now that they can see you.
[She doesn't want anyone to be treated as less than what they are - which is so far and by far only impressive. Sometimes amazing.]
That is all I meant.
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But things are different here.
Haru is still with them, which is a tiny miracle in and of itself. But Haru has other things he does, now, away from them even if he may not want to be. And even with the dojo, Namazuo knows a fair number of them still feel restless. They can't ever truly be themselves in a place like this. They are weapons, brought to life to fight a war. With that purpose taken away, is it any wonder that they might begin to worry?
But that's something altogether too personal, exactly the kind of concerns he hates to burden others with. He wouldn't mention it to Haru or Ichigo, and he's certainly not going to mention it to her. Instead, Namazuo just smiles.]
Lili-san is very kind to be concerned. But I can assure you I wouldn't do--or, ah, wear anything to embarrass master Haru, or any of the others.
[...Well, not permanently. And not of his own volition. (He can't help Ceres' thirst for sticking him in weird clothes, though. HE CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH, LILI.)]
But to answer your question, no, I don't really mind. There are other swords who are properly concerned with their appearances, so I prefer to let them represent us on that account. [Nama-speak for "swords like Kashuu care way more about being praised and complimented and beautiful, so I'll look silly if it means they get the attention they deserve".]
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[Just... to clarify that first, even if the words manage to make her face heat up a little bit. She doesn't feel like she's a kind person at all, no. Rather, all that she said was something true and simple. The swords are good people and deserve to be treated as such. It's not rare for her to have been judged strictly on even her clothes back home - and after speaking with people here, sometimes the same is true.
She just doesn't want any of them to deal with that.
Still though, she's shaking her head because she knows exactly which sword he's talking about and sometimes Kashuu manages to exasperate her too, honestly.]
Even that can be rather extreme though... sometimes I wonder if any of you are capable of living in the happy medium of things.
[Not that she's
really any better than that, actually.
Lili's Two Modes: Tsun Queen and Struggling Kitten Dere are about as extreme as you can get.]
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